While validating her sadness through empathy is the essential first step, she’ll also be looking to you as her partner for some reassurance that her feelings, while totally understandable in the moment, are only temporary.
You can provide that soothing comfort and perspective by tempering your empathetic responses with reassuring phrases like:
“Right now that feeling of loss over your grandmother’s passing is so heavy and raw, and you have every right to just cry it all out. But just know that eventually with time and space to grieve, that sadness will pass and you’ll be able to look back and celebrate her wonderful life she lived.”
“Of course you’re feeling scared and anxious right now about the house hunting process and all those big changes on the horizon. Those are stressful, emotional thoughts to deal with! Just remember that I’m right here by your side through it all and we’re tackling this chapter together.”
The key is validating and making space for her sadness first, but then offering reassurance that her feelings are temporary, situations are never as bleak as they might feel in the moment, and that you have unwavering support and belief in her ability to move through this low period. She needs to feel like you understand this sadness won’t last forever.
Help Her Embrace Self-Care
After you’ve created a safe space for her to openly share her feelings without judgment through empathy and reassurance, you can start to gently encourage her toward acts of self-care and simply being kind to herself while she feels low.
“I know you’re feeling really disappointed in yourself over this, but you’re still amazing and deserve to treat yourself with some extra love today. What’s one thing I can do to pamper you from here and lift your spirits a bit?”
“You’re so strong and you’ve gotten through hard times before – but that doesn’t make this any less painful to deal with in this moment. Why don’t you run yourself a hot bath or binge watch something that always makes you smile?”
“Regardless of what the situation is, you don’t ever deserve to be this hard on yourself. If I was there, I’d make you a warm cup of tea and just hold you close until you could breathe again. Since I can’t, go ahead and do something nurturing just for you.”
Simple suggestions like wrapping up in cozy blankets, watching a favorite comfort movie, going for an easy walk outside, eating her favorite treat, or indulging in a self-care activity like taking a bath can all help remind her to be gentle with herself in the midst of waves of sadness. Sometimes a little extra self-love is what she needs most.
Ask Thoughtful Questions
If she seems open to talking through whatever is saddening her further instead of just wanting comforting responses, you can get her out of her headspace for a bit by asking thoughtful questions that could provide some perspective or emotional relief.
“What was the specific thing your co-worker said that struck a nerve with you the most? Getting it off your chest could really help shed some light on things.”
“I know your break up with Matthew is still so raw and fresh, but is there maybe one small positive or lesson you can hang onto from how things ended?”
“If you could press a button and wake up tomorrow with your sadness just suddenly gone, is there maybe one small step you could take today to start moving in that direction?”
“Do you remember the last time you dealt with feelings of sadness like this before? How did you make it through that period? I’m wondering if any of those same techniques or mantras could provide comfort now.”
Thoughtful questions can help break the negative cyclical thinking that often comes with deep sadness or blues. Listen closely for opportunities to steer her contemplation in a more constructive direction.
Remind Her of Her Strength
Almost every person has an innate reservoir of perseverance, grit and inner strength they can dig into even during periods of immense sadness. Sometimes she just needs that mirror held up to see her own courage and resilience clearly.
“You know, I’ve had a front row seat in watching you overcome so many other obstacles and periods of real pain before. This situation is temporary, and if anyone has the grit to get through it, it’s definitely you.”
“When you feel up to it, I’d love for you to remind me about all the role models of strength you look up to for inspiration. Being reminded of those beacons of courage and heroism could help give you the boost you need to dig deep right now.”
By giving her very specific, personal reminders of all the times she’s been strong and resilient in the face of pain previously, you’re effectively saying “Look at all these examples of overcoming things just as hard – you can and will get through this, just like you always have.” That outside perspective can provide a huge mental boost.
Spark Some Joy and Laughs
If she seems open to a subject change, a well-timed share of a silly meme, funny joke, amusing anecdote or inside joke that’s meaningful to the two of you can sometimes be just what she needs to hit the emotional “reset” button for a few minutes.
“I know you’re feeling down, but I also know pointing out that the barista at Starbucks this morning had a total Grinch face is probably the kind of thing that would normally make you crack up.”
“Real question for you – if cows really did tell jokes, what would be some of the funniest ones they’d say to each other? I’ll start…”
“Since you’re in need of some smile-making material right now, how about we brainstorm up our most elaborate and lavish fantasy vacation vision board ideas?”
A brief moment of humor, laughter and re-engaged imagination can sometimes be the perfect palate
