While often portrayed as an inscrutable, mystical riddle that “no one truly understands,” the reality is that the women you encounter and court romantically aren’t indecipherable codes in need of cracking. They’re human beings who crave many of the same things their male counterparts do – appreciation, respect, effort, affection and loyalty. However, that doesn’t mean the journey of getting to know a partner, forge intimacy and build trust is without its own distinct masculine-feminine dynamics to navigate.
If you’re entering this chapter feeling a little green or understandably rusty in the realms of courting, romancing and learning to support someone of the opposite gender, this guide will provide a roadmap for dating women with intention, confidence and compassion.
Understand What She’s Looking For
While every woman is unique in her needs, history and relationship goals, at the end of the day the vast majority are ultimately looking for the same core qualities in a male partner:
• Respect and admiration – A person who appreciates and validates her worth
• Loyalty and faithfulness – Someone she can trust implicitly to have her back
• Growth and attentiveness – A partner invested in her hopes, dreams and personal development
• Stability and security – Consistency, responsibility and creating feelings of safety
• Compatibility and connection – Shared chemistry, understanding and foundation for bonding
• Confidence and purpose – A man with drive and self-assurance to lead
While physical attraction sparks the initial flame of interest, what truly makes a woman bond over the long haul is experiencing that alignment of values, emotional generosity and compatible personalities with a prospective mate. She needs to feel an infectious sense of care, understanding and partnership brewing beneath the surface.
Understanding that the courting “game” isn’t about empty charm or simply doing the bare minimum, but rather proving you possess the mature assets that contribute to her long-term wellbeing and fulfillment is key to framing your efforts from the start. This is an opportunity to showcase depth and substance as a prospective partner, not just superficial flattery.
Bring Your Emotional Game
As traditional romantic partners, men have classically played the role of the “strong and stoic” one who keeps his softer emotional underbelly carefully guarded. But women today not only desire – they demand and are drawn toward – partners who can match their own power of vulnerability and self-expression.
The dating game is an opportunity for you to strengthen and flex your emotional intelligence muscles through:
• Being an active, present listener who asks questions and retains details
• Responding to her thoughts, associations and experiences with validation and empathy
• Regulating your own emotional impulses and responses to avoid conflicts or over-reactions
• Getting comfortable having open, vulnerable dialogue about fears, dreams, feelings
• Reading between the lines of her nonverbal cues, body language and implied emotions
• Cultivating an awareness of your own feelings and their root causes
• Adopting a growth mindset to learn about attachment, communication and relational skills
Being emotionally attuned and even embracing more traditionally “feminine” balances of overt compassion, sensitivity and intuition are wildly attractive to modern day partners. Get comfortable leading with your emotional intelligence and making her feel truly seen on that level.
Similarly, men who lack general self-awareness or shut down entirely from uncomfortable feelings or heated situations will struggle greatly in the dating and courtship realms until they reclaim emotional agility and presence. Strike the right balance between being your full, expressive self and retaining composure.
Exude Intentional Energy
Nothing will scare a potential partner off faster than the whiff of aimlessness, zero ambition or a general lack of forward propulsion in your life and personality. While the ages of the overly aggressive “Alpha Male” has certainly passed, replacing it with gormless, demotivated inertia holds little appeal either.
Instead, become an attractive force to be reckoned with by leading with a palpable sense of intentional energy and direction in your:
• Goals and ability to execute a plan of action toward personal fulfillment
• Curiosities and cultivated interests, knowledge and awareness
• Social and professional circles, passions and areas of expertise
• Physicality, sense of adventurousness and zest for new experiences
• Ambition and excitement for growth, travel, realizing accomplishments
Behind your romantic pursuits, women want to see a man who has his life energies pointed toward positive places and personal development. Someone with non-relationship centerpieces and motivating focal points. Your conversations, efforts and awareness of the world should all give off an infectious zest and hunger for life happening beyond just the pursuit of a partner.
Similarly, don’t be afraid to let your uniqueness as an individual shine through and get eccentric. Share what specific philosophies, causes, niche hobbies or deep fascinations make your life force unique. Allow her a glimpse into the natural rhythms of your masculinity and inner fire. Most will find it highly compelling and attractive.
Just be wary that this commanding presence never drifts into selfishness or narcissism – the key is retaining a humble, others-focused energy when appropriate. Direct that motivational fire into understanding and creating enriching experiences for her as well.
Pursue Her Interests
While you’ll certainly want to highlight and share portions of your world, a valued lady won’t feel truly appreciated or invested in until she sees you taking an intentional interest in the domains that make her come alive and shine. Be engaged and curious about areas like:
• Her career, creative pursuits, volunteerism, entrepreneurial ambitions and passions
• Media, art, music, books, films and cultural experiences that inspire her
• Her beliefs, moral principles and the wisdom or philosophies she’s cultivated
• Sports, hobbies, fitness routines and personal recreational interests
• Cultural or familial traditions, languages spoken and influences
• Social causes, activisms and areas of philanthropy important to her
Through active listening, ask prudent questions, retain details, remember trivial factoids she’s shared and form genuine connections to her innermost excitements. Then find opportunities to surprise or impress her by facilitating new experiences around her personal spheres of interests.
Not only does this level of thoughtfulness illustrate how invested you are in understanding her more completely, it allows her to feel truly seen and appreciated for the multifaceted, complex person she is. When she experiences just how much effort you’ve taken to explore her enthusiasms, you’ll stand out.
Few things short-circuit a woman’s attraction faster than a partner who seems to lack care or curiosity about her interests and essence beyond surface appearances or intimacy. Stay proactive about peeling back those layers.
Embody Confidence and Assertiveness
Consult any sage dating advice and you’ll undoubtedly find variations on the same refrain – a commanding air of self-assuredness and judicious assertiveness is an incredibly magnetic quality that partners find irresistible. But what exactly do those attractive traits entail in action?
• Exuding palpable self-confidence and comfort in your own skin without self-glorification
• Being decisive, taking initiative and having a respectful sense of leadership
• Standing your ground on core personal values and boundaries with poise
• Making plans, suggesting ideas and trying new experiences with enthusiasm
• Having the courage to have difficult conversations with empathy and vulnerability
• Not being crippled or debilitated by rejection, setbacks or challenges
• Embracing your innate masculinity with gallantry and positivity without toxicity
• Being “solidly centered” as an individual before seeking romantic pursuits
• Taking risks, going after what you want with respectful charisma
The most powerful and desirable version of this assertive energy comes when it’s balanced with kindness, acute emotional intelligence and a dedication to personal growth and learning. Strive to maintain that optimal blend.
When the confidence is devoid of sensitivity or always veering into brashness, arrogance or a dismissive “macho” nature, it does more harm than good. No one wants to deal with unconscious bluster or ego bruises. Strike the right balance.
Similarly, any attempt at denying or suppressing this core masculine assertiveness to extreme “nice guy” degrees instantly drains the mystery and magnetism out of a courtship. She likely doesn’t envision a partner who consistently defers to her leadership in all scenarios. Bring masculine energy when appropriate.
Lavish Her With Thoughtfulness
While grandiose displays or gaudy excesses tend to have the opposite effect, most women crave demonstrations of thoughtfulness from their prospective partner. Putting in the consistent.
