One of the most common pitfalls that can derail feelings of closeness in a couple over time is getting lazy and taking the relationship for granted. You know almost everything about each other’s lives, have settled into routines, and it’s easy to start operating on autopilot without much engagement.
If you really want your girlfriend to feel loved, you need to fight against complacency and always maintain an eager desire to learn about her on a deeper level. Make her feel seen and understood by:
• Practicing active listening when she speaks about work, interests or concerns
• Asking plenty of follow-up questions to gain new insights into her perspectives.
• Reminding her of specific little things she’s mentioned loving, from snacks to quotes
• Making a point to discuss her goals, ambitions and welfare regularly
• Introducing novel conversation topics that go beyond the day’s events
• Reading any books, watching shows or researching subjects she’s really into
• Reliving old memories and inside jokes from your earliest dating days
• Actively sharing and being open in ways that invite her curiosity in return
A surefire way to breed indifference and make her feel taken for granted is to just go through the motions and tune her out. Putting real effort into staying curious and engaged as she evolves will reinvigorate those sparks.
Offer Unconditional Support
While her initial feelings of attraction were almost certainly sparked by physical chemistry and shared interests, what sustains a woman’s loving feelings over time is the security of knowing her partner offers unconditional emotional support and acceptance.
Make your girlfriend feel safe, understood and backed by being:
• A calm voice of reassurance and perspective when she’s stressed or upset
• Somebody she can confide in and open up to without fear of judgment
• Solidly in her corner regarding any family conflicts or friend dramatics
• Supportive of her life goals, from small habits to professional aspirations
• Willing to lift her up emotionally through encouragement and compassion
• Accommodating of her different needs regarding space, quality time and more
• Accepting of who she is at her core, quirks, struggles and all
• An unwavering source of care and comfort through difficult seasons
When a woman knows her partner has her back through thick and thin, that you’ll ride life’s ups and downs together as a united front, she’s able to cultivate a deep and lasting love. Offer that security of unwavering support through your daily words and actions.
Stay Appreciative and Affectionate
As any couple settles into the comfy later stages of a relationship, it’s easy to fall into habits of taking the other person’s positive traits, acts of service and above-and-beyond efforts for granted. Failing to verbalize your appreciation and admiration is a surefire way to breed resentment and create distance, however.
Make your girlfriend feel valued and desired by:
• Thanking her for kind gestures, whether big or small, she does for you
• Complimenting her physical appearance and something you adore about her face/body each day
• Writing her little love notes or cards expressing your gratitude for who she is
• Celebrating her wins and successes professionally or personally as if they’re your own
• Serenading her with her favorite romantic music or playlists from when you first met
• Finding small and thoughtful ways to recreate your earliest dating romantic gestures
• Initiating physical affection like hugs, kisses, massage and intimacy regularly
• Reflecting often on why you fell for her so that feelings of appreciation stay top of mind
Too often, couples get stuck in cycles of negatively nitpicking what their partner is “doing wrong” without recognizing all the things they’re doing right. Break that habit by making her consistently feel appreciated through your words, actions and affection.
Keep Things Exciting and Novel
While the comfort of routines and predictability does foster lasting feelings of security in a relationship, a total lack of newness and excitement virtually guarantees that the spark will fizzle out between you over time. Keep things feeling fresh and enjoyable between you by shaking up your shared experiences through:
• Frequently introducing new date activities like taking a class or exploring new neighborhoods
• Planning weekend getaways to re-ignite that giddy “vacation” feeling together
• Finding excuses for spontaneous celebrations or romantic nights out “just because”
• Setting collaborative goals and benchmarks to work toward as a team
• Taking up new shared hobbies, sports or adventures that get you out of your norm
• Engaging in role-playing games like initiating a fake “first meet” and pretend courtship
• Challenging each other in the bedroom to keep intimacy from feeling stale
• Learning new skills together like ballroom dancing, cooking, video games and more
The human brain craves arousal through novelty and variety. Denying it will cause restlessness and complacency to set in quite quickly for both of you. Keep planning surprises and finding inspiring ways to create new experiences together.
Foster Emotional Intimacy
While the physical aspects of romance and intimacy tend to be what capture our focus in the early infatuation stage, true lasting feelings of love and connection require a deeper emotional intimacy developing over time. Tend to that critical component by:
• Creating a safe space to be vulnerable and share feelings without judgment
• Making an effort to see things from her perspective and validate her experiences
• Getting to know each other’s core values, belief systems and fundamental ambitions
• Allowing room to comfortably engage in healthy arguments or constructive conflicts
• Encouraging and supporting her in pursuing personal goals and interests
• Opening up about your fears, struggles and insecurities to build trust and closeness
• Engaging in love-mapping by explaining reasons you fell for each other’s personalities
• Finding new ways to bond through laughter, silliness and unrestrained self-expression
When emotional intimacy flourishes, you’ll find a renewed sense of “knowing” your partner on a soul level. She’ll feel completely understood, accepted and able to share her whole authentic self which bonds you two even tighter.
Maintain an Attractive Presence
While the long-term love you’re aiming for absolutely transcends the superficial, that doesn’t mean you can neglect making efforts to stay attractive and desirable for your partner as well. At the end of the day, attraction matters at least to some degree. Make an effort to keep her admiring eyes on you by taking pride in:
• Your personal style and fashion sense when getting dressed up
• Grooming habits like trimmed hairstyles, skin care regimes and fragrances
• Projecting confidence, masculinity and poise in how you carry yourself
• Developing interesting hobbies and competencies that intrigue her
• Keeping your body healthy through proper nutrition and fitness
• Upgrading your living spaces to be clean and respectable environments
• Speaking articulately and carrying yourself with good posture and etiquette
She first fell for a particular blend of your personality and outward presentation. Don’t get so complacent that you slouch on maintaining the appealing parts of what attracted her to you physically from the start.
Keep Growing Together
Ultimately, what sustains profound love is that feeling of momentum and growth for a couple over the long haul. When you remain united in tackling challenges, striving towards new accomplishments and adventures together, the relationship stays dynamic and vital.
Tend to this sense of evolution and shared ambition by:
• Setting new couple goals around shared milestones like owning a home
• Going back to school or taking classes to push your knowledge and skills
• Working tirelessly on better communication and conflict resolution skills
• Discussing your long-term vision and potential paths for your future family
• Taking up couples therapy or counseling to identify and work on challenges
• Envisioning and planning relationship redefining adventures like moving locations
• Reading relationship/personal growth books to gain tools and insight together
• Scheduling regular
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